“And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.” - Luke 22:61-62
If you're like me, there are many things about your past that you deeply regret. Especially all those years wasted in sin. I could write volumes about the dumb things I've done. I relate with Charles Spurgeon, who once wrote, “While others are congratulating themselves, I have to sit humbly at the foot of the cross and marvel that I’m saved at all.”
In some cases, the failures experienced after salvation can bring similar regrets. Knowing that I've disappointed God brings great remorse. Yet God is not surprised by my sins. He is not caught off guard. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I am capable of --- both good and bad.
When Peter denied the Lord, it did not come as a shock to Jesus. In fact, Jesus had predicted it. Jesus told Peter that he would deny the Lord three times before the rooster crowed. This prophecy did not soften the level of regret that Peter suffered as a result of his sin. Like Esau learned years before, Peter found that the stew of sin has many bitter herbs.
The account of Peter's denial in the Gospel of Luke includes a notation that we are prone to overlook. After Peter's third denial of Jesus, Luke records, “And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter.” Can you image that? The very moment that Peter denied Jesus for the third time, our Lord turns and looks at him. In spite of the events of the trial and the obscurity that Peter tried to assume, the Lord knew what Peter had done and looked at him. This was probably just a momentary glance, but effective none the less.
Peter's denial of the Lord is a sad moment in the life of this disciple. Yet most of us can identify with him. No, we probably haven't denied the Lord just as he did, but we have failed our Lord in so many ways. We have fallen short many times, often through sins of commission. At other times, we've been guilty of sins of omission.
The Lord has given us two internal alarms to notify us when we sin: our conscience and the Holy Spirit. The Spirit troubles our conscience when we sin. It is like a red light on the dashboard of your car, alerting you that something is wrong.
Peter was convicted when he faced the reality of his sin. Rather than blaming others, making excuses or pretending he was innocent, Peter knew that he, alone, was responsible for his failure. The Bible says that he wept bitterly. Most of us try to avoid eating humble pie. We feel that humility is beneath us. Yet humility is often the first step towards grace. Although we don't like to fall to the ground in humility, we are closer to the dirt than we realize. We came from the dirt and our bodies will return to the dirt. While we want to avoid humility, it is the path our Lord expects us to walk daily. We are closer to God in our humility than at any other point.
Peter wept tears of repentance. The crowd was unaware of his guilt. Apart from the Lord and Peter, no one knew of his great sin. Peter didn't weep because of the public shame it brought. He didn't weep because he failed to reach his own “potential,” or fell short of his own standards. He wept because he had sinned against his Lord. At that very moment he could have been a bold witness, he wilted in cowardice. The brash apostle was now beaten. Instead of being a leader, he was a loser.
Real repentance comes when a person realizes that he or she has sinned against the very One who loves them the most. Repentance leads to remorse. Repentance brings a person to a point of hating the very sin they've committed. Repentance is a change of mind that leads to a change of direction.
Peter's repentance is well documented. His tears were real. His remorse was deep. His regret was profound. Yet in just a few days, the one who denied the Lord three times would be preaching on the Day of Pentecost.
It is good to know that there is grace available for those who fail. When a believer sins, other Christians tend to condemn them. While we should never condone sin, we must realize that God is merciful to those who fall.
If you feel like you have let God down, don't let the devil convince you that you can't be forgiven. If Peter could find forgiveness through the grace of our risen Redeemer, you can, too. Be genuine in your regret. Be thorough in your repentance. But don't let the tears of remorse blur your vision of God's abundant grace.
It could be that your best years of service are just ahead.
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