Bad Love

BAD LOVE

“...I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house ...because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.” - 1 Samuel 3:12-13

Last week, I wrote about “Good Fear.” Those two words typically don't go together. Yet the fear of the Lord is a good fear. It is a fear that all of us should have. As the Scripture teaches, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Today, I am writing about “Bad Love.” Again, these two words don't seem to go together. We think of “love” as a positive word. Certainly, you'd think that love is always a positive emotion, producing positive results. But that simply isn't so.

Eli and his sons served as priests over the people. Yet Eli's sons were evil men. They abused the priesthood with their selfishness and wickedness. Those in authority can be very wicked indeed. Even those in spiritual leadership can be evil. Yet like Eli's sons, the wicked will meet their doom. Judgment lies ahead for such men. Sinful men will reap what they have sown.

Eli also faced God's judgment along with his sons, because “he restrained them not.” Eli was not wicked like his sons, but he refused to restrain them. There's an old staying, “Blood is thicker than water.” That was true in this situation. Eli knew his sons were out of hand, but he permitted them to get that way.

Eli knew better. It is true that he verbally rebuked his sons for their wickedness, but it was too little, too late. Eli probably wouldn't have tolerated such behavior from others, but his sons were a different story. He refused to restrain them. This is “bad love.”

“Bad love,” exists when a parent refuses to correct, discipline and train a child because of sentimental “love.” When a parent says, “I love my child too much to discipline him,” this parent is practicing, “bad love.” Both the child and the parent will pay the price for such “love.” Eventually, the uncontrolled child may end up behind bars, dying from an overdose of drugs or endure a life of alcoholism.

Let's consider Eli and his sons. In our text, the problem was that Eli's sons were now adults. It is obvious that they lacked the proper discipline and direction they needed when they were growing up. “Bad love,” produced unruly children that eventually became wicked adults.

“Tough love,” is the antithesis of “bad love.” We consider “tough love,” to be the stern response of a parent toward a son or daughter that is doing wrong. When parents discipline their children, it is an act of “tough love.” I admit that “tough love,” is unpopular and politically incorrect these days, but it is Biblically correct --- which is all that matters.

Nearly twenty-five years ago, then-Governor Bob Wise signed legislation that made corporal punishment illegal in public schools here in my home state of West Virginia. There are still strong opinions about both sides of this issue. Many, including some teachers, think that the paddle should be brought back to the classroom. Others think that such punishment is barbaric, harmful and unnecessary.

Proverbs 13:24 states, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” This is tough love. “Bad love,” spares the child the discipline he or she desperately needs. It isn't the lack of discipline in the classroom that is ruining the lives of young people, it is the lack of discipline at home that is the cause.

Look at the end result. Eli and his sons died tragically because Eli refused to restrain his sons. His “bad love,” cost them their lives. Today, we wonder why there are riots and increased crime. Children backtalk their parents and show disrespect to elders. Parents allow their little children to decide what gender they are. In America, we are reaping what we have sown. We have sown to the wind, now we are reaping the whirlwind.

Be assured, God uses “tough love.” He takes His children out to the woodshed when they need it. He does not tolerate unruly behavior and rebellion. He can be stern at times. He wants to save His children from future pain and heartache. Because of this, He provides “tough love,” when needed. He disciplines His children because He loves them. We should do the same with our children.

I strongly condemn child abuse. Yet I also object to parents allowing their children to act disrespectful and unruly. The pain of discipline is far less severe than the ultimate heartache that comes from an undisciplined life. When required, love can be tough.

“Bad love,” is not really love at all.